Game 30 – Arizona @ Detroit – Glen Don’t ing

SLAMMING.

HEAD.

IN.

LAPTOP.

Hey Christian, you like the Red Wings. You like writing. They’re a pretty good team, right? It’ll be fun to break down the good and bad things after every game. Maybe look at the WTF moments in the game, that might make for some fun. Yeah people will read that. NO REASON TO THINK THE RED WINGS WILL TURN INTO A DUMPSTER FIRE AND FORCE YOU TO STRUGGLE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK THEY DID WELL!

This game has caused legitimate hockey fan PTSD in me. I don’t know how to feel.

Holy shit, this is what Toronto fans used to feel like, isn’t it?

The Good

NOTHING. NOTHING WAS GOOD.

No. I will not do that. There must have been a bright spot.

 

Athanasiou scored a goal! A goal that I thought was going to be called back and was at least in a grey area. But at least that went our way! Seriously the kids look good every minute they are out there. Larkin looks good. Mantha looks good. AA looks good. These guys look good, dammit, play them! Vanek is helping (got another assist tonight, whoohoo), Zetterberg I think actually looks like one of our best forwards all season which is amazing considering how slow and past his prime he is.

And we did outshoot the Coyotes. We peppered them and buzzed them and whatever kind of fucking hockey buzzword you want to use for pressure. We had forecheck pressure. I just saw on TV Larkin had 8 shots. This was not a game that we couldn’t get shots and could not put pressure on.

But….

The Bad

I don’t even know where to fucking start. Do I start with the fact that the Powerplay was 0/2 again? The fact that we lost to another team on their back to back? The fact that we let one of the few teams that has scored less goals than us outscore us 4-1 while being outshot almost by double? Sheahan apparently just pissed off a voodoo witch doctor who has completely and utterly removed his ability to score even on the fucking doorstep. Forget Sheahan, this whole fucking team can’t score anymore. Only 4 teams are below us at this point in GF (I could be wrong I had to do some calculations on that stat in my head but I’m so angry and dead inside that I don’t trust myself to do simple fucking addition).

You know what, fuck it. I’m doing this now. Jeff Blashill is part of what’s bad about this team and I’m calling him out now. I didn’t want to dislike Blashill. I’ve given him the benefit of the doubt time in and time out. I didn’t think he would be as good as Mike Babcock. Who could be? But we’re in the second season and I keep seeing the same shit and it just doesn’t seem to be working. We’re down in the 3rd and you move Mantha to the 4th line in exchange for LUKE. FUCKING. GLENDENING? Because Mantha “wasn’t playing well?” Are you kidding me? You want to reduce the ice time of who is clearly our best forward this season, barring maybe Vanek? HOW WOULD THAT HELP THINGS? If you didn’t understand, the GBWTF? is called Glen don’t ing because you DON’T PUT HIM IN THE TOP 6. WHY IS SPROUL STILL SCRATCHED OVER BRIAN LASHOFF. You said he wasn’t assertive enough and I GUESS HE’S GOING TO GET ALL ASSERTIVE IN THE PRESS BOX RIGHT!?

Usher: Excuse me sir, let me show you to your seat.

Sproul: I don’t need your help, I’ll find my own damn seat in the press box

BlashillOh, you know, he looks like he’s really being assertive finally I guess I can skate him tonight.

FUCK.

The WTF?

FOURTEEN MINUTES AND WHO CARES SECONDS.

That’s how long into the game it was until the Red Wings got a shot on goal. FOURTEEN. MINUTES. I’m not trying to use caps lock for humor or some shit here I am literally yelling right now. I don’t give a shit that we ended up outshooting them. Blashill literally said before the game “Well it’s obvious we need to shoot more” and then it took goddamn 75% of the first fucking period for someone on the team to look up and be like “Oh you meant shoot the puck in the game…not at warmup. Yes I see, my mistake. Guys we’re supposed to be shooting now.”

You know, at some point something has to change. And we don’t have any fucking cap or talent that we can give up to do that. The only shake up I can see is in the front office. It may be time for us to look at replacing Blashill.

Next Game

Thursday at home against the LA Kings. You know, an actual good fucking team. So using tonight’s game as a baseline, I expect us to lose by 8-2 after outshooting them 76-38. Probably a puck will bounce off the LA Kings Memorial Netting and hit Jimmy Howard in the helmet, concussing him and losing him for the rest of the season. NOTHING SURPRISES ME ANYMORE.

 

 

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